The Map

By John Irving

The Map
Time passes,
Wounds close,
pain dulls,
As scars heal.
Once again
I'm tricked
Into believing
It's Finally Over.
Then my eyes, unbidden,
Grasp that 'J' shaped
Coastline in Asia,
On a map of the world.
Where were you
when the first man died?
Where were you
when his family cried?
Once again these names
Draw me closer, ever closer,
So close I can't see them
Without my glasses.
Once again these places,
That time, jump out
Clutching my back
Thrilling my neck.
Whoa! Stop!
Once again,
again the room spins
as I flash back anew to that huge airport
where I first came to the Nam.
Senses assaulted, hot Hot, HOT,
burned dung smell.
Humid as a steam bath,
Fetid as a swamp.
Where were you,
when an 18 year old boy left for Vietnam
and returned with eyes 10 years older
than his 19 year old body?
Can you understand
what those eyes reveal
about places and things
you who are protected
never have to know?
CRACK! "Incoming!"
Sonic boom122 mike mike Katushkas
streak inches overhead,
50 pound warheads
explode so hard my soul is shaken.
Where were you
when we began taking rocket fire
casualties just 10 minutes
after arriving in South Viet Nam?
Where were you
when one of my men
on his second day in-country
was killed on his 18th Birthday?
An Kke, Quin Nhon
First fire fight.
Top says "Your buddy's dead!"
That can't be right!
Where were you
when my best friend
triggered a landmine
then died in my arms, covering me
with body parts, and bone fragments?
Where were you
when I arrived
in that war torn land,
age just twenty-one?
Doing what my government
asked me to do
and what my fellow Americans
expected me to do.
Pleiku, Kontum, "Enemy in the Wire!!"
Outgoing, incoming, "The Nam's on fire!"
There! on the map
The A Shau Valley!
GOD!
Grunts're dead at A Shau,
We fought all week.
Where were you
those long, dark, and frightening nights
when we sat in the mud and the rain
waiting for the enemy?
Ban Me Thout, Nha Trang,
Got shot down,
I flew again that afternoon,
Got shot down again !
Where were you
when our men
turned up missing,
became P-Oh-Ws?
Seventy-nine Prisoners of War
have been seen in Asia since 1972.
2,096 Americans
are still missing, un-account-ed for.
Why aren't you there now,
searching, while our men are STILL missing?
Khe Sanh, Quang Tri, Hue, Phu Bai.
Marble Mountain, Da Nang Nui Ba Dinh. Vinh Long,
My Tho, "He's shot through the head!"
Rach Gia, Chi Lang,
So Many Friends Dead !
Where were you
when we arrived
back on American soil?
Did you curse and throw
rotten eggs at us?
Why aren't you at the funerals
we go to for our comrades
who poisoned, continue to fall
to dioxin and Agent Orange?
58,000 Americans died in Viet Nam.
Since the war ended 150,000 vets
have committed suicide.
Why aren't you howling in pain?
Why do starving homeless Vets
sleep in cardboard boxes,
while criminals get free medical care,
wholesome food and shelter?
Why do prisoners have huge law libraries
and get to sue the government?
Why do we spend billions on foreign aid while
denying Vets adequate medical care?
Where are you
as Veterans' rights
are threatened every day?
Where are you
when the V.A. man
denies our benefits and claims?
I held myself together and kept
the wolf so far from your door,
that you and others can pretend
that the wolf never existed.
Where are you now
when a sound, or a smell, or a dream
touches that part of me buried so deep
that I wake up screaming?
Whoa ! Stop !
They're just names
On a stupid map and
It was so long ago....
Why can't I stop crying?

John Irving ex-CW2, Alpha Troop, 7/17th Cav

Previous Story Back to Calendar Next Story