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The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep, loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen....Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.

Beautiful....the word I most overuse :-) It just says sooo much, as do the words of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. When you think of the beautiful people in your life....who do you see??? I'm sure it's your friends....and they are very beautiful....because of the way they make you feel :-) Ms. Kubler-Ross wrote mostly about death and dying. However, her book Life Lessons....is about living. Many of the quotes this month are taken from that book. Ms. Kubler-Ross believed we are here on earth to learn certain lessons and people come into our life to teach us the things we need to learn....when we are ready. 

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross is a medical doctor, psychiatrist, and thanatologist. She was born in Zurich, Switzerland in 1926. And was born one of triplets. She was married and had a daughter and son. She had a burning desire from a very young age to become a doctor. She first practiced medicine in New York where she was appalled at the treatment the dying patients received. She later taught seminars on death and dying.  Ms Kubler-Ross encourages us to "live fully and to love." 

  I have wondered if I am approaching things from the right aspect....a personal one. Recently, I have been encouraged to "keep sharing." And this month a guest told me she liked the quotes, but she appreciated me sharing how they are working in my life. So....I shall continue to share. However, I have to thank all of you because without your input, I have nothing much to share. You both challenge and inspire me.

I should have known I would be confronted with something major after I wrote March's calendar....all about the choices I have made in my life :-) But at the time, I thought THAT  was major to state my feelings and share so much of my past. However, this month those words were put to the test. 

One day I was listening to a girl who had just started living....at least, a girl who had just started enjoying life. She was young....about 22 or so and she had been involved in everything as a teen. She basically was destroying herself with all she was doing....drugs, alcohol. She gave it all up and started caring about herself. Her life was changed. Robert Schuller says "Every achiever I have ever met says, 'My life turned around when I began to believe in me.'"

Well, this is true for me too. Even though most people don't see online as life threatening as drugs....for me, it was. It's strange, but I have a hard time rationalizing why I was so hooked. I think it was the safety. Somehow, I felt safe here....as if I could protect myself. I learned that isn't true. We care about others whether online or offline. And the Internet is definitely a part of life these days. I know my past happened in order to bring me to this point in my life. 

For the first time since I have been online with my website, I was asked about my faith. I have talked to people about what I believe, but I've never actually been asked if I personally fail in my commitment to God. As I have said, I am a Christian and that means I believe God has a plan for my life....but I am a firm believer that I have free will to choose. And so I don't know how it all works....but in my mind, God knows the future and He knows what choices I am going to make. Sooo He knows where to "put" me....in His great plan. It's all very simple and very beautiful :-) Of course, this is life as I see it. And I fail....all of the time. But according to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, growth comes through failure...."You will not grow if you sit in a beautiful flower garden, but you will grow if you are sick, if you are in pain, if you experience losses, and if you do not put your head in the sand, but take the pain and learn to accept it, not as a curse or punishment but as a gift to you with a very, very specific purpose."

Sharing my beliefs made me look at life and the quotes again. I thought of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and her feelings towards life's lessons. And so, this month the quotes are all about life. The song playing is "Just the Way You Are." The songs on the calendar are love songs by Celine Dion....sequenced by several different artists.

When asked about my faith this past month....there was a profile involved....in a detached way. I talked to the person one night, and read the profile the next morning. I know, a little backwards....maybe. But he and I had just discussed life in general, and our beliefs.  I didn't really think about the profile. I felt as if I had met a nice guy, sorta like a younger brother. But then, the profile was like a totally different person. Of course I questioned him about it, and he basically conveyed that no one reads profiles....that I was possibly the ONLY one who had read his profile!!! As always, I got way too involved. I just wanted the person I talked with to be "seen" in that profile....and so I tried to encourage this. I failed. I also failed at being his friend. He, on the other hand, displayed qualities of friendship.  He was encouraging and forced me to "examine myself."  

As I wrote to him challenging him to let the world see him the way I saw him....I could only do that by sharing my past experience. And what had happened to me when I read Bryan's profile. Some things came to mind which I haven't thought about in a while.

As most everyone knows, I read the quote "Love is Friendship set on Fire!" and loved the thought. Another quote Bryan had posted was "If you love someone and it's true love, you sometimes have to let them go, and if they come back to you....it's meant to be." My paraphrase, bad I know. But as much as I loved the quote at the time....I see now I was looking at it ALL wrong. I read the quote and thought how neat it was that we both liked that quote sooo much. And I think I was hoping that two of us believing it was true might possibly make it happen. 

In looking back, I see that it is so true....the love I was hoping would return so long ago has flowed back to me abundantly....in different ways....I just had to feel it. For me, I had to let go, and believe in love....and now I see it everywhere :-) I see the quote as describing what was happening to me about life in general. I just needed to let go of all that I loved....my way of life actually. I needed to stop everything I was doing and just start giving. 

  I had made the commitment to leave online and start participating in life. I think I needed to see that it was always about me. It has never really been about online or the people I encountered....just me.  I had to let go of being here, let go of the threat it posed for me, learn to use the Internet for my purposes and start enjoying it :-) I have come to realize that it has always been up to me....I had to change my attitude towards the Internet.  Sure there are bad things here....and it is sooo easy to neglect other areas of our life while we are here.  But the Internet is just life....and it is real and very beautiful....when approached with the right attitude.  It has always been up to me :-) Now....I love having the opportunity to share via this wonderful tool.  So for me, it has been a lesson. I haven't decided which of life's lessons....maybe ALL of them....and more than likely, it isn't over :-)

While trying to explain what had happened to me by reading a profile....I thought of another  quote Bryan had posted which says so much NOW...."Pain nourishes courage." For me, there was real pain online....self-inflicted maybe....but very real just the same. That pain has given me courage to share here. But for all of the conflicting emotions I felt online....I would never have the courage to share all I share. But since I experienced it, I know others are going through some of the same things I did. And so, the pain I once felt has become a good thing. A catalyst behind my sharing. I didn't see it before....and of course, at the time, I had no courage. Now I realize how wonderful it is if only one person is affected in a positive way by something I have posted.

Another quote Bryan had posted is similar to the one above by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross...."You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you." The point of all this is....Bryan had a story, and he posted some quotes along with some personal information. When asked about his profile...he simply shared his story without thought of consequences. Bryan had posted the quotes because they truthfully made a statement about his life. And reading them made an impact on my life. Meeting Bryan was the first thing that happened to me when I came back online after leaving for 6 months. I know I was meant to read his profile. And I know he is the same in real life as he is online.

  Bryan also had posted "Triumph is 'umph' added to try."  I was defeated when I met Bryan.  The thing I loved most, the Internet, was making me sad.  I was accepting defeat. I have since realized  I wasn't trying.  And what I was doing definitely had no "umph" :-)  Bryan hadn't accepted defeat in his life.  He had met the challenges life had thrown him. He had triumphed in the face of adversity....and managed to make his dream come true :-)  Bryan's life is his message....and his message encouraged me to try.

I'm sure many read Bryan's profile!!! 
However, if I should happen to have been the ONLY one who read all that Bryan had posted....his words made a difference to me....and ultimately, to hundreds if not thousands of people, simply by the ripple affect. Bryan and I might never have met, even though we just lived around the corner from each other at that time, had it not been for this wonderful tool....the Internet :-) More than ever, this month I see truth in the quotes. We affect each other, either in a positive or a negative way, with all we do....it's up to us.  Chief Seattle's words describe it beautifully...."Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect."

One profile can make a difference....like the little boy who threw starfish back into the sea each morning. I am only one person on this huge Internet, but because of many of you who have shared with me, I am able to continue to share. And we are making the ripple Bryan started....bigger....together :-)

As the story goes...."I wish you enough"....always :-)

"Love is Friendship set on Fire!!!"

Along with the quotes Bryan shared, which encouraged me personally, he also had something posted which changed the way I feel about those who serve....the Military Code of Conduct.  This code states...."I am an American fighting in the forces which guard my country and our way of life. I am prepared to give my life in their defense." I had never read this statement. Whether it is an official military code of conduct or Bryan's interpretation :-) ....the words he had posted gave me a new understanding of what it means "to serve".... it's an awesome thought. People are choosing to give up their way of life to "guard our way of life." They are prepared to die....to defend "us"....a beautiful example of unconditional love. Again, Bryan posted the words and stood behind them. He is currently serving in the United States Navy :-) I know it wasn't easy, no matter how rewarding. But again, as a friend just said to me...."nothing good in life is easy"....

And so, Bryan M. Hurtig BM3 USN....you are a beautiful person :-)

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