Dr. Buscaglia asked for some "Solicited Advice" about relationships. He received the following answers. Dr. Buscaglia stated that these words "reflect a genuine and down-to-earth quality." He published the answers in his book, Loving Each Other, ....
Don't think in terms of forever. Think of now, and forever will take care of itself.
Grow up together, constantly.
Expect to invest a great deal of time and energy in your relationships. Lasting relationships don't just happen, they are created.
Recognize that all relationships cannot be forever. Recognize their temporary quality, but continue to act as if they are permanent.
Respect the other person's relationships apart from you. If they are important to the one you care about, they should be important to you.
Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations.
Take your time.
Remove price tags from people. Everyone has worth; the excitement lies in the discovery of their value.
Don't be afraid of giving. You can never give too much, if you're giving willingly.
Don't feel as if you are required to spend your every waking hour with those you love. Move aside from time to time and allow them a separate space, too.
Never force anyone to do anything for you "in the name of love." Love is not to be bargained for.
Don't be afraid.
Don't over analyze your relationships.
Realize that you always have choices. It's up to you.
Remember that a relationship is a pooling of resources. That means that with each relationship you are not only giving, you are becoming more.
Don't allow experience to harden your heart; rather use it to become more aware and sensitive.
Don't smother each other. No one can grow in shade.
Don't lose touch with the craziness in you. This, with a large dose of caring, will assure that your relationship will never be boring.
Don't brood. Get on with living and loving. You don't have forever.
Don't hold on to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.
Always start a relationship by asking: Do I have ulterior motives for wanting to relate to this person? Is my caring conditional? Am I trying to escape something? Am I planning to change the person? Do I need this person to help me make up for a deficiency in myself? If your answer to any of these questions is "Yes," leave the person alone. He or she is better off without you
There are times when you may want to give up on a relationship but never give up on relating.
Keep the child in you alive and playing.
See people as good and beautiful, even when they seem to be trying hard not to appear so.
If you take time to talk together each day you'll never become strangers.
Divorce, fighting, arguing will never solve your problems; better to try understanding, warmth and flexibility.
Value yourself. The only people who appreciate a doormat are people with dirty shoes.
Stop going through life in self-pity, self-blame and the "mea culpa" syndrome. We are not as bad as we think.
Before you form a relationship, ask yourself if there are things about the other that you can't stand. If there are, ask yourself if you would be able to live with these things forever. If the answer is "no," then leave it alone.
Write down all the reasons why you love each person you relate with. Then, when the going gets tough, take the list out and reread it. It resolves problems quickly.
Don't make the other's problems yours. It only makes solving it twice as difficult.
Don't be afraid of disagreements and arguments, the only people who don't argue are people who don't care or are dead. In fact, don't have short arguments. Make certain they are thoroughly over and done with.
After an argument is over, forget it.
Learn to bend. It's better than breaking.
Don't take yourself so seriously, but never fail to take the other person seriously.
Don't become involved in pettiness, ego and childish hurts. These will only serve to degrade your relationships and prevent closeness.
Watch for little irritations, they grow into destructive monsters. Verbalize them at once.
Let go of pride. It is usually false, creates barriers and prevents closeness.
Acknowledge the humanness of the other.
Keep examining the nature of each of your relationships for they are dynamic, not static, and are, therefore, changing for better or worse.
Exercise feelings. Feelings have meaning only as they are expressed in action.
Increase tenderness and intimacy. They are a powerful source of nourishment to relationships.
Be compassionate. It is the sure way to understanding and acceptance.
See all criticism as positive for it leads to self-evaluation. You are always free to reject it if it is unfair or does not apply.
Learn to listen. You don't learn anything from hearing yourself talk.
Stop all the worry. Most of what you are worried about you'll have difficulty remembering a week later.
Expect what is reasonable, not what is perfect.
If each partner in a relationship is willing to give 75% of him or her self, then you will have 50% more than you need for a perfect relationship.
Since love can be created, there is no reason to be loveless.
Don't allow anyone to put you on a pedestal. It's too easy to fall off.
Don't be concerned about what you can get from a relationship. Instead, concern yourself with what you can bring to it.
Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.
Even though you are only half of a relationship, you must remain a whole person, apart from the relationship.
What a grand feeling to have a relationship with someone who is loved not only by you, but by many. That means you've made a good choice.
The creating of anything worthwhile takes patience and energy.
Forming good relationships takes a lot of looking. But looking can be fun.
Remember that moral and spiritual values don't restrict, they protect.
Keep laughing. It exercises your heart and protects you from cardiac problems.
Relationships are not sporting events. Stop wrestling for control. No one ever wins this kind of match except divorce lawyers.
Perhaps it's not too bad to do some things you'd rather not if it makes another happy.
What you learn about yourself will infinitely help in trying to understand others.
See problems as small miracles which can bring about knowledge and change.
Even though maintaining your integrity as a person, strive to make yourself one with another. You can do this best if you make each one THE ONE.
Don't fall in love with love, you'll drown in its complexities.
Be polite. Love does not give license for rudeness.
You are at the center of all your relationships, therefore you are responsible for your self-esteem, growth, happiness and fulfillment. Don't expect the other person to bring you these things. You must live as if you are alone and others are the gifts offered to help you enrich your life.
When you get angry with someone it might be well to stop and consider all the things you like about them before you respond.
Don't allow your relationships to die of neglect.